


A Want to Believe

by fiveyaaas



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Morally Ambiguous Character, Smut, Unhealthy Relationships, but it’s a lil messed up, but some, but vanya is happy??? so idk man, cornsex meets dark five???, definitely a lil amoral tho, he’s like “yeah i’m ur husband yes”, i introduce to you: the dark crack fic, it’s a crack fic, just tagging those to be safe, not a lot, not sure if he’s quite dark five, this is too much thinking for a crack fic isn’t it?, vanya thinks he’s her husband
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: Landing in the 1960s had somehow landed him in a body he estimated to be late 30s or early 40s, which had become somewhat of a disaster to the cornfields of Texas. To be fair to Vanya, she had not seemed upset he showed up in the fields. Actually, she thought he was her husband and he just kind of went along with that (he does not claim to be a good person, no).
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 20
Kudos: 162





	A Want to Believe

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess, but I’m trying to get the Fiveya tag to 500 and had this in my drafts. So. 🤷🏻♀️ There’s definitely some morally gray behavior here, in that Five doesn’t correct Vanya when she assumes he’s her husband. I can tag more warnings in additional tags if anyone thinks I should, but I think I covered the bases with the current ones.

Five frowned at Vanya. “You know what this looks like, right?”

Landing in the 1960s had somehow landed him in a body he estimated to be late 30s or early 40s, which had become somewhat of a disaster to the cornfields of Texas. To be fair to Vanya, she had not seemed upset he showed up in the fields. Actually, she thought he was her husband and he just kind of went along with that (he does not claim to be a good person, no). When she had immediately gone to start kissing him, he figured maybe that lie was _probably_ a moral philosopher’s nightmare, but then she had started getting naked and he stopped giving a shit about morals. 

When Vanya had climbed onto his lap, ordering him to take off his own clothes, he had, staring in stunned silence at her panties that had “Friday” written on them, wondering if all of her panties were day-of-the-week themed or if those had just been snagged on a sale. And then Vanya had sunk onto him, saying that she had been waiting for her husband to find her as she rode him, little tits bouncing, and her underwear was forgotten. 

Vanya kept saying that she had waited for him, whimpering, and he quickly murmured that he loved her, that she was everything to him. He figured that _technically_ , he considered Vanya a wife much more than anything else, anyways. He considered Vanya, in many ways, more of a wife than Delores, who had said that she would never agree to marriage until he had gotten over Vanya, and he hadn’t ever been able to do that. 

When she had pulled on her clothes quickly, hastily, she asked if they needed to go somewhere else as he scanned their immediate surroundings.

Unfortunately, a side effect of this tryst (or four trysts, technically, for her, and three trysts, for him) meant that Vanya had created four separate circles that would undoubtedly cause some alien conspiracy theorists to freak out. 

Vanya blushed then. “Hopefully people won’t notice.” 

Five didn’t have it in him to reproach her since he was partially responsible. He also could _not_ bring himself to care what this would mean for the timeline. He pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead. “We’ll have to find the others soon.”

“Are they my in-laws I guess?” Vanya’s nose scrunched. Five probably should feel guilty or at least nervous that the others would point out the clear lie. In his defense, Vanya had seen him and thought he was her husband. He just didn’t say that he wasn’t, which was still, you know, wrong, but not completely reprehensible. 

Now, as a person, Five should have felt guilty for misleading Vanya about the nature of their relationship. However, as a scientist who has studied the detrimental results that even the slightest alteration in time could cause, he should be entirely horrified. 

Unfortunately, Five was not thinking with his brain when he made the decision to have sex (again, multiple times, to ensure that she would not doubt that he was a faithful husband) with Vanya, and he would regret that decision in about, oh, two or so days. 

“Something like that,” Five told her in response to her question.

  
  


* * *

Vanya and Five were cuddled up at her brother-in-law, Klaus’s place, having brought what Vanya assumed to be her in-laws altogether in the huge mansion. There was a newspaper citing crop circles found in Texas glaring up at them along with all of the other Hargreeves. 

“You’re saying that Vanya’s powers did this?” Luther asked. “How?”

Vanya blushed. “Well, I saw Five and I knew he was my husband-“

“Your _what?_ ” Allison shrieked. Five shot her a look, which she sneered at. 

“Yes, Allison. Vanya saw me, and, despite the _amnesia_ she was suffering from, she knew I was her husband. Isn’t it a miracle?” Her husband sounded irritated, and she gently stroked his arm, in hopes it would calm him down. She wasn’t entirely certain if she had before, but it seemed to do the trick for now. “My wife’s been through a lot, Allison. We really need to try to stay calm and _consider her feelings.”_

“How did she cause the crop circles exactly?” Klaus, another of her brothers-in-law asked.

Vanya blushed. “When my husband and I finally got together again, they, uh, happened. From our excitement.”

All of her siblings-in-law groaned, “Five, why?” Not quite in unison, but like they were all thinking it at the same time. 

“How did you get your name?” Vanya asked her husband, genuinely curious.

“Right, Five, do tell Vanya how you got your name.” 

Five sighed. His voice was solemn, holding a heaviness in his shoulders that she hadn’t seen from him yet. “I was raised in a cult, you see, Vanya. By an evil, vile man with an exorbitant amount of money and a pretentious fashion sense and a collection of endangered animal carcasses.” 

“How is _that_ the most honest thing he’s said?” Vanya heard Allison ask Luther quietly. Apparently, Allison didn’t think she could hear her. 

“That is atrocious,” Vanya breathed to her husband, not concerned by Allison’s comment. She knew this was her husband, knew that she’d been waiting for him, that he’d finally come to her. It seemed like she’d been waiting longer than even the month she had since waking up with amnesia. 

Her husband nodded sagely, “There are many cruel things in this world, my dear. I am very happy I have found you before someone cruel like him could.”

She kissed him, hearing a sea of gasps behind her. When they kept kissing, she could hear the newspaper’s pages flipping up, floating in the air. As she moaned, the table it had been resting on fell over. 

Blushing, she pulled away. Her husband smiled indulgently at her, the dimple in his cheek present as he did. She brushed his dark hair from his forehead, noticing the few streaks of silvers. “I’m so glad you found me too, Five. I feel like I’ve waited half my life for you.” 

Distressed noises surrounded them, but Five ignored them, leaning in to kiss her again, more firmly, gripping her hair into his hands. She opened her mouth, possessed by an urge she didn’t quite understand to crawl onto him. 

“Does anybody think they make kind of a hot couple?” Klaus asked, leaning over to the brother-in-law named Diego. Vanya wondered if Diego was really her brother-in-law or if he was romantically involved with Klaus. She was pretty certain Allison and Luther were a couple too. Vanya was pretty certain none of them were of this time period, but she hadn’t asked her husband yet. She just assumed one of them was bound to have the power of time travel, likely gotten it from sort of Russian communist experimenting.

“I’m confused,” Diego announced. “But, I have a question for Vanya.”

Vanya nodded eagerly. 

“If you knew the president would die at any moment, would you feel it was your responsibility to save him?”

Vanya wondered if this was to question if the Russians had corrupted her memory. “Yes, I would say so. Am I a spy, by the way? Have we mastered time travel in Russia?”

Diego looked like he was having an aneurysm. “Five, you piece of shit-“

“You’re not a spy, my love,” Five interrupted Diego, kissing her knuckles. “I have the power, we all have powers, but mine is to time travel as well as teleport. We had a bit of misfortune recently, and I had to travel our family to the 60’s.”

“When are we from?” She asked politely. 

“2019.” 

She gasped. “Do people regularly time travel then?”

“Technically.” 

She felt her eyes bug out. “Wow… how _extraordinary.”_

Behind her, Allison recoiled. Clearing her throat, Allison asked, “Vanya… are you happy? To have found us? To have found… Five?”

Vanya beamed. “Completely. I’ve been waiting for you all, and I knew the second I saw Five who he was. It’s funny, but I feel like I’ve waited for him most of all. I just know that when I saw him, I felt like my life was extraordinary again, and I felt completely right.” 

Allison seemed to decide something then, clearing her throat quietly. “That’s great, Vanya.” 

* * *

**_Dallas Morning News: Wednesday, November 20th_ **

Yesterday morning, four perfectly formed circles _(pictured above_ ) of decayed land on a farm in the rural suburbs of Dallas were found by a confused Texan-native couple. Said the wife, Sissy, “I worry that this could have been the work of a woman, Vanya Hargreeves, who my husband and I had graciously taken in and left right around the time these mysterious symbols were formed.” Added the husband, “I suspect she is a Russian spy, by her name. Most likely a communist as well.” There has been no confirmation whether or not Vanya Hargreeves is a communist affiliated with Russia, but Chief Cooper of the Dallas Police Department suspects this might very well be the case. An alien-conspiracist, Elliot Gussman, offers a much more concerning theory, that it was the work of extraterrestrials, citing the foreign clothing left on the scene, what Dallas Police suspect to be a sort of otherworldly undergarment that had “Friday” written on the front _(see page 5)._ Others argue that this might be a threat, and police advice people stay inside that date. Said Chief Cooper, “Whether it was the Russians, aliens, or both, Dallas citizens must remember one thing: America first.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! Fiveya week will be November 1st to November 7th, please check the fivevanya tumblr for more details!!!  
> Day 1: Memories  
> Day 2: Dance/Train  
> Day 3: Childhood  
> Day 4: Sparrow AU  
> Day 5: Guilt  
> Day 6: Endings/Beginnings  
> Day 7: Free


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